Let’s see… Where do I begin?
It’s been a while since I’ve actually blogged. Sure, I wrote few posts like this one and that one in order to generate a little bit of income around the holidays. But I haven’t really written any content with much depth. Not that I wrote a lot with “depth” in the past…
I guess I just didn’t find much value in these posts. I sort of lost my purpose for a while.
At first, I thought my irregular writing/temporary hiatus would be for only the summer months. But then fall came and went too. And now we’re in the middle of winter, and I’m still struggling to get started.
I just haven’t felt very inspired lately. The world has got me down and I’ve been struggling to pick myself back up. And since I wanted to move this blog in the direction of being an “inspirational blog,” I haven’t really been in a place to do a lot of writing to fit that niche!
Well, I decided that the longer I delayed writing, the harder it would be to get back at it. I realized that I just needed to start!
And so here I am!
Now… What should I say…?
OK, I guess I’m going to start out with the tough stuff. You know, grief and loss, since that is pretty much a huge part of my new life now.
In August of 2015, it had been 2 years since my husband, Chaz, passed away. So now I’m halfway into my 3rd year of living with grief and loss as a young widow.
I think the first year after Chaz died, I was in survival mode. I was just trying to get through each day while dealing with shock, numbness, and torrential sadness. Basically, I was in a constant “fight or flight” state of mind.
The second year after Chaz died, I was trying to figure out how to actually live this new life. I needed to make changes in order to keep going because living in the “fight or flight” mode for so long had completely drained me. This meant that I was completely caught up in so many new ideas and big transitions happening, like quitting my job and starting my virtual assistant business. This distracted me from (or helped me avoid) the deep pain of grief that was left after the initial numbness wore off.
Well, the adrenaline from the first year, and the distractions/avoidance the second year has made the 3rd year a real doozy so far. (Did I just say doozy?) The actual depression has hit, and hit hard hard. During the past several months, it’s been difficult to stay focused and to get motivated to do anything. It feels impossible to get out of bed each morning. Even performing the simplest tasks takes an incredible amount of effort.
As I recognized that I was having trouble functioning, I dropped my work load from my virtual assistant business down to only one full-time client and another part-time client, with a few temporary assignments thrown in every once in a while.
And obviously, I stopped blogging here at Me Plus 3 Today. Simply going through the motions of life wasn’t really “practicing what I preach” here at this blog and on my Facebook page, about actively pursing your passion and purpose since tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. So in addition to being unmotivated, it just felt wrong to blog about anything.
I guess the conclusion of this look back over the past few years is that living with grief is not easy. It’s a confusing mess full of ups and downs. It doesn’t follow a pattern, and it’s definitely not the same for everyone.
Most importantly, grief doesn’t go away over time.
Well, I’ll leave it at that for now. I just needed to start writing, and sharing a little bit about where I am right now seemed like the best place to start.
Over the next few month, I will be pushing myself to get this blog to what I had intended it to be. Hopefully it’ll get there soon!
And until then, I need your help! As I try to jump back into blogging, I want to hear from you! What inspires you? What would you like to read about? What would you pass on to your friends and family?
I’ve turned off comments on my blog for right now, so you can send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org with your thoughts. You can also hop on over to my Facebook page (just click here) and leave a comment. I’m on Twitter and Instagram too!
While I hope to share something that might inspire you, sometimes I need inspiration too! So share with me, folks! Inspire me!
As always, thanks for reading and have a great day!