The Truth About Young Widowhood

So this blog is only about 3 weeks old now.  And when I look back and read my first few posts, I am just not happy with them.

They are not what I envisioned this blog to be.

Sure, they are about my interests.  I am kinda passionate about the environment, I do try to do a lot of different things for my kids, and I am lazily crafty.
But I am also a widow.  A young widow.  A young widow with young kids.
And that undeniable fact is in every ounce of my being.  It seeps into all my thoughts.  It pollutes all my interests.

And as much as I hate that word, it is who I am.  Now.

When I first decided to start this blog, I mostly wanted it to be about my life as a young widow.  The few ups and the many downs.  The endless struggles.  And how I was “coping” with it all.  How I was managing my children.  What we were doing to get through each day.
But so far, it’s not.  My first few posts are somewhat of an illusion.  Smoke and mirrors.  Yeah, I touch on the subject of widowhood in a few spots, but I don’t feel like I am telling the whole story.  The true story.
And the truth is: Being a young widow SUCKS!
It absolutely, positively, SUCKS!

And that isn’t even the best term to describe it.  I don’t think there is a word in the English language that adequately encompasses what this horrible situation is really like.
So, until I discover the right word, I just say “sucks.”

When I was writing my first few posts, I was writing for others.  Other people who might not understand what it is like to be a widow.  Might not understand loss.  Might not understand the depth of this pain.

So, I was editing it for them.  Sugar-coating it.  Because I didn’t want to offend anyone.  I was writing from the surface.  The false surface, or mask, that I put on each day for the rest of the world.

I didn’t want to be all TMI, and get too deep into my feelings.  I didn’t want any readers to wonder why I was sharing this wretchedness so publicly.

But ya know what?  That’s not what this is all about.  I want to be honest.  I want to be REAL.  I am so sick of pretending.

And I think that by being real, by not wearing a mask when I write this blog, I will be able to accomplish what I had intended in the first place.

What did I intend, you may ask?

I intended to share my story.  My TRUE story.

And in doing so, find others who can relate to this horrible situation.  Find others like me.  And I hoped by finding others, I wouldn’t feel so alone, so isolated in this horror story that has become my life.

I also thought that maybe this blog might even help someone else.  I would share our daily life, and maybe it would help some young widow out there just get through “one of those days.”  Because I’ve had many, many of those days…

Because as much as we wish the world would stop turning the minute our husbands died, it didn’t.  Time keeps moving.

And we keep going on because we HAVE to.

That’s right we HAVE to.  We don’t get to crawl into a hole and cry for the rest of our lives.  We HAVE to get up, take care of our kids, go to our jobs, clean our houses, pay our bills, and just fall back into the life we were living before, even though it is a life that will never be the same again.

So there you have it.  That is my reflection of the early posts of this blog.  And it is the new original direction that it is headed in.

From now on, no more sugar-coating.  I will be REAL.  I will be HONEST.

I WILL write about what being a young widow with young children is ACTUALLY like.

And that is what I am thinking about TODAY!

Is there any young widow out there reading this?  How do you cope?  Do you wear a mask too?  I’d LOVE to hear from you.

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11 Comments on "The Truth About Young Widowhood"

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Sadia
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She's not blogging any more, but I think you'd enjoy reading through the archives at Snickollet: http://snickollet.blogspot.com/. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Sarah @ MePlus3Today.blogspot.com
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Thank you so much for the blog recommendation! It really does help to read from others with similar experiences. I definitely plan to read through some of it!

Sybil Brun
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So glad you are telling it like it really is, because THAT is not only when God brings you PURPOSE in your pain, but also when He turns your trials into a TESTIMONY for others! : )<br /><br />I KNOW God will bless your efforts to help others and there are many women out there who need to read exactly what you are writing! Keep up the good work! One such woman is Veronica at Not for Naught in

Anonymous
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Just finding you via Pinterest. Unfortunately I can relate and I am looking for help on how people do it. It has only been about 4 weeks since my wonderful husband passed and I am left with our sweet 1 1/2 year old. I have a million emotions….happy I had him, heartbroken I lost him, mad my daughter won't know what a great daddy she had, and disbelief. Every minute is so hard.

Sarah @ Me Plus 3... TODAY!
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4 weeks… I'm so sorry, I KNOW how hard it is. Some say 1 day at a time, but for me it was like 10 SECONDS at a time. I would seriously have to close my eyes and just count to 10 in order to get through.<br /><br />I completely understand the whirlwind of emotions… It's been just over 1 year, and I am still living on a rollercoaster. <br /><br />Please reach out to me if you need

Charity Dunlap
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Sarah, I think your honesty and candid words are refreshing and meaningful! Hard is hard no matter what hard you're facing, and the world needs more authenticity if you ask me! 🙂 Keep at it, sister! By you giving a voice to your hard you are encouraging others to do the same! Blessings, Charity

Sarah @ Me Plus 3... TODAY!
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Thanks Charity! I appreciate your encouragement!

Kari
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I am 27 and lost my husband ten months ago to cancer. He was also 27. We have a little girl that will be three in October. He passed just a month before she turned two. I have a blog that I don’t really write on anymore; I went silent for a long time, but I am getting back into it. I just discovered your post thanks to Pinterest. Some days are easier than others as are some moments and I was looking to find how others are coping. I look forward to exploring your blog as much as someone… Read more »
Amber Garrett
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I can totally relate to your blog. I’m 24 and lost my husband to ALS 6 months ago. We have a 4 year old and an 18 month old. It is a daily struggle to keep going. I feel like I lost my entire life when he passed. Every single thing reminds me of him or things that we used to do together. It hurts my heart to know that my kids are going to miss our on so much. My daughter has had a very hard time with losing him. I hope that as time goes on we can… Read more »
Luanne
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Hi … just discovered your blog. I’m 39 now (2015), and my husband passed away 5 years ago. He was 38. Mellanoma cancer. I was left behind at age 34 with 2 young girls, aged 2 and 4 at the time.
Would be nice to read how you are coping. My journey hasnt been an easy one either. Take care.

Tamara
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I could really relate to you saying you wish the world could have stopped when you lost your husband. I find myself being hurt or angry that our friends and family can eat, laugh or carry on conversations without crying. Then I too had to start eating and planning and living. There’s a lot of guilt associated with doing the simple things because Nick can’t be there with us. We have a baby. He’s 12 weeks old now, and was 9 weeks when Nick had a heart attack while walking our dog. I look at my baby and feel like… Read more »