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Sometimes I wish I could shout from the roof tops the lessons I’ve learned from losing my husband, Chaz.
I want to tell people to stop just existing through life. And tell them to start living their life instead! I learned that old cliche, “Life Is Short.” It’s too short to just exist. Why settle for mediocre, for just OK, for going through the motions? Instead, why not make the most of it?
You would think I would already know that. But I didn’t. I didn’t know who I am, because I never was just an “I.” When I was with Chaz, I was always a “we.” And I was definitely not the person I was before I met Chaz. So as much as I hated it, I needed to figure out who I am without Chaz. (Gosh, how many times can I say “I” in a paragraph? Bare with me here people, it really is tough to explain!) 🙂
So, how did I learn this?
And the answers to those questions is the lesson I’m trying to explain. Sorry, but they are almost like trick questions. Because for me, there is NO ANSWER.
I could not think of any answer why I CAN’T do any of those things. I can do every. single. one.
While I’m writing this, I still feel like I’m having a hard time conveying the message I want to spread. It’s just so hard for me to express it in words. Because it’s not so much a thought in my head, as it is a feeling.
But I see the people who I wish could learn this all over the place. I hear how they talk about their careers. They are clearly capable and qualified to do it, and they may even be excelling at it, but I can see that their heart just isn’t fully in it. It’s not what they are passionate about.
And I understand why they continue to do it. Because once upon a time, I was just like that. I was in a career that I was qualified for and capable of, but it just didn’t fit. It felt like it was going against the grain for me. But I continued to move forward with it, because I just thought it was what I was supposed to do.
It was too scary and too risky to make a big change. We had a student loans, a mortgage, and all of those other bills we had to pay. Then kids came along that we needed to be able to support them. So I kept on going, doing what I was supposed to do.
But this slap in the face I received (more like hit by a train) just completely altered the way I think. It changed my perspective on life so much. As I reflected on my priorities, I realized that I could make a lot of changes to help realign my life with what is truly important to me.
So all I can tell you is to really, really think about your priorities. Think about what you are passionate about. And be honest with yourself about it. You are in charge of your satisfaction with life. So if shopping and clothes are a priority for you, don’t feel the need to make up something else that you think “sounds” better to the rest of the world. Accept it and roll with it.
Maybe finding a career that is somehow related to shopping and clothes will make life amazing for you. Or moving to an area where there are like-minded people. Just use your priorities to help guide you to being able to really live life, versus just existing.
I know, I know. Those ideas probably sound completely crazy. And you don’t have to take those giant leaps right away. But take baby steps and slowly move towards your passion. Those baby steps alone will probably start to bring you more joy than you’ve been feeling, and that could help build momentum behind your shift in life. Eventually, you’ll get to where you’re going!
Like I said before, it doesn’t happen overnight. I’ve been working on this for over a year. But I can look back and see all the progress I’ve made from taking so many baby steps. And I also know I have many more baby steps in front of me.
I continue to have setbacks. I continue to feel fear in the changes I am making. I struggle with the risks. I spend a lot of time over-analyzing each step.
But the lesson I learned from losing Chaz helps to push me forward. I’m striving to make the most of this life, before it’s too late.
Do you feel satisfied with your life? Are you just existing or are you living? If you aren’t truly happy with where you are going right now, are you willing to take the risk of changing it? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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I highly recommend the StrengthsFinder 2.0. It is an affordable assessment that will help you determine your strengths, which may help you discover what you are passionate about.